A Travellerspoint blog

Singapore

Singapore: The morning Donna forgot everything

Because she was drunk.

sunny 30 °C
View Babez on Round the World Tour 2010 on noodz4loz's travel map.

We will start at the beginning, because it is a very good place to start. We awoke on day 2 of Singapore feeling a little worse for wear but had decided to arise early to make the most of our day. We went to Sentosa island, hoping to spend the day at Universal Studios. After a mild panic because everything suggested it hadn't opened yet, Jamie saved the day by actually asking someone. Sensible considering he went to art school. Having just opened, Universal Studios seemed empty, much to our delight. This gave us the opportunity to go on every ride (including the shit ones)...twice. WOOOO. Having decided that we would walk around the park stopping at every ride, number one was a merry go round designed for children of 4 to 9 months. Donna ran off stating that she would throw up stating that the spinning would worsen her hangover...when the ride was due to begin, Laura pleased to secure herself a zebra while Jamie chose what we can only describe as a shit animal, Donna came running towards us declaring she could not be The Girl Who Did Not Go On The Merry-Go-Round...only to throw up seconds later. She would like to make it clear this was in a toilet and not in full view of infants. Laura was thrilled with Donna's timing as she was then able to take pictures with the cast of Madagascar. She thought that she was bad...until Jamie confessed he had been planning his 'mental' poses. The day was spent living it large in the theme park, and much fun was had by all...although Donna's camera was ruined by the Jurassic Park ride because we were too tight, as per usual, to pay for lockers (in our defense it was $8 for 2 hours, knobs). The highlight of the day was our visit to Donkey Live in Far Far Away where we thought we would merely be dancing and singing along with Donkey from Shrek. Jamie, due to his good looks and hideously bald head (because he refuses to grow his hair for his love and her friend) was selected out of approximately 350 men as the Ogre of the audience. As part of his role he had to declare that he was an ugly ogre while farting noises were played in the background. Donna and Laura could hardly contain themselves.

The following day we headed to Orchard Road to look at all the expensive shops we can't afford. We wanted to go into the Chanel shop to see the price of a bag that Laura had bought a fake of but were disappointed to find there were queues to almost all of the famous designer shops. We then went in search of free ice cream as we had received a flyer. We never found the ice cream place. Instead we stumbled across the most amazing market, possibly made for us. Somehow in a blur of joyful spending, we lost two hours of our lives, yet only 25 pounds each, gaining between us about 30 items of clothing...nice. We are wearing them now (not all of them) and we look FIT. Due to this we were unable to go to the Night Safari (soz Jamie) we went to Chinatown for an incredible meal where Jamie took advantage of our drunken state and encouraged the taking of racist photographs. The food was amazing, unsurprisingly we were the only Westerners there which is a sure sign of a good restaurant. We then made our way to Raffles to spend 45 pounds on 3 cocktails and eat out body weight in bar nuts to make up for it. Having gone on a wild goose chase for a friend of Jamie's who clearly hates him and stood him up we ended up where we belong...back in the open arms of Nimrod.

3 towers of beer later it was 3.30 am and in a taxi on our way to the riverside with our favourite guitarist. We had an amazing night, singing along to some classic songs with Nimrod, our trained monkey. We requested, Nimrod played. Brilliant. Luckily Laura stopped drinking 2 hours before Donna, sensible since we got home at 8am.

The next two days were pretty uneventful due to a lot of needed sleep...miserable because we had to leave Asia...and unlikely to change.

Posted by noodz4loz 02:12 Archived in Singapore Comments (0)

Kampot and Singapore

sunny 34 °C
View Babez on Round the World Tour 2010 on noodz4loz's travel map.

Having changed guesthouses, Jamie managed to barter down a delightful room with a television for $6 a room including our own verada. We explored the town and had high hopes of doing a few chores such as getting our laundry done, sending postcards and getting a massage as Jamie had not had none yet. However we made the most of the cheap beer and all day happy hours and realised we had wasted the day. We missed the market by an hour but managed to entertain the locals by parading Donna and her porcelain white skin down the street encouraging them to stare and wave hello. Laura made an attempt to find a manicure, pointing at her nails to describe what she wanted, pointing at her nails saying 'manicure?' to describe what she wanted. As the woman approached her, she realised she she had wandered into a 'seeing hands' parlour. Only blind and deaf people work here. We had joked earlier about a blind manicure, Donna never realised Laura would actually ask for one, when she realised we moved swiftly on.

We got up early for the main tour from Kampot, a trek to Bankor, the nearest national park to Kampot. Given our last 'trek' had been a gentle stroll through the forest in Chiang Mai, we were unprepared for the horror that awaited us. We can only describe the trek as the most painful thing we've ever had to endure, Laura confessing she would rather die than do it again, it was two and a half hours of almost vertical rock climbing to the top of the mountain and Laura was less than thrilled when her burn scab was punctured. Luckily doctor Jamie was there with iodine and a bandage at hand as Donna had already pissed of up the mountain along with the rest of the group. The tour group who had stayed with them yelled monkey but Laura couldn't give much of a shit at this point and persevered on. Donna was presented with a rather large dead spider by some crazy dutch guys who debated whether or not it would be a good meal.

Unbelievably everyone reached the top alive and we actually decided it was well worth it especially since we discovered that there was a construction project in progress which in our opinion would ruin everything we'd come to see. At the top of the trek was the hill station built by the French in the 1920s to escape the heat further down, but abandoned soon after. It was so eerie with thick fog and empty dilapidated buildings, it felt like something from a horror film. We approached an old hotel with a rusty sign declaring 'Danger, No entry' but our cheery tour guide waved it aside telling us to go and explore. Luckily we're still alive and Jamie managed to steal a couple of floor tiles which he then left in the guesthouse...good effort. Due to Laura's injury we decided she couldn't trek back down fearing death and her much loved scab being ripped off. Donna and Jamie courageously powered on through despite the descending fog and ridiculous steepness of the downward path. Words cannot describe the relief we felt to finally see the end in sight and retain, fully intact, our limbs.

To complete our day we went on a boat tour supposedly to view the sunset which had passed before the boat even appeared. Donna and Laura refused to lose the money we'd paid for it and so we went on a twilight tour down the river. Dinner and cocktail followed at a place Jamie insisted was the stuff of folklore but Donna and Laura were pretty sure was a lie. We shall see.

We went to our favourite cocktail bar and the waiter came and sat with us which was lovely until he suddenly told his life story to Jamie asking for his name number and address so that he could come to London to work. Jamie offered him a job at the Walpole.

We left early the next day to return to Phnom Penh, it was pretty exciting as we had two tyre blow-outs...allowing Donna to finish her next book and Laura to not even reach the halfway point of her 3rd this holiday. Donna also got touched by an old woman who seemed thrilled once again by her freckles. Bring on Singapore.

Having arrived back in Phnom Penh we decided Jamie should get a Thai massage. We had decided that we were too injured given Laura's burn and Donna's trekking shoe injury so would go for a head, neck and shoulder massage. We could not stop giggling in the run up given Jamie and Donna's aching muscles from the trek...we assumed Jamie would be in a world of pain. We laughed and wished him luck. The joke was on us. Firstly we were required to remove our clothes...Jamie removed only his shirt. Donna was just in knickers given her poor decision to wear a dress and Laura in tiny shorts. Laura was happy about the nakedness...Donna was very uncomfortable. Jamie fell asleep during the head massage indicating to Donna and Laura that his Thai massage was not thorough. Laura and Donna endured a lot of inappropriate pain given the massages they had chosen. Laura got the bonus of a boob massage as she has only midget legs which are easily lost to the naked eye, as Donna got a full leg massage we can only assume she didn't realise Laura had any legs at all. She does.

We returned later for manicures and Laura was enchanted by the smallest dog in the world. Once again she felt the need to hold the animal in order for it to be real. We're pretty sure it didn't have rabies G. Our nails are now beautiful.

The next day we were heading to Singapore. An uneventful flight was marred by daylight robbery as we were informed that departure tax was $25 per person. Robbing bastards. Upon entry to Singapore Donna was once again subjected to the ginger doubt as the immigration staff had to double check that her passport indeed belonged to her asking the question 'Is this you?' and pointing to the photo. She of course answered no and proceeded through.

On arrival in Singapore we disgusted to realise how expensive everything is. We had to take shelter in a cafe in Little India but had awesome Naan bread and 'gravy'...amazing curry sauce whilst waiting for the torrential rain to cease. Finally went with the cheapest hostel we could find but still massively expensive at $15 per bed. Hugely over Babez on Tour budget. However massively colourful, we consoled ourselves with strong Indian lager and a Asian musician Laura is in love with and she has just embarrassed herself by walking in on an Indian man in an internet cubicle declaring 'A MAN'. We need to be up early tomorrow and it's ten to three.

Posted by noodz4loz 10:54 Archived in Singapore Tagged seniors Comments (0)

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